Why do I walk?



Larry Collins
4/10/67 - 7/26/2007

On July 26, 2007, my boyfriend of 8 years jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge (GGB)... ending his 40 years of life.  That day would forever change my life and me.  Before that day I can honestly say that I personally had never given any thought to the GGB, let alone people committing suicide from it.  After Larry’s death my eyes were opened wide to the dirty little secret of possibly the most beautiful, certainly the most photographed, bridge in the world.  I was horrified to learn that there had been over 1,300 confirmed suicides from the GGB since it’s opening in 1937.  Like me, most people that I told of Larry’s suicide from the GGB were surprised to hear that so many people have, and continue to end their lives off of the GGB.

Several months after losing Larry, his sister mentioned to me that she had heard on the news that a suicide barrier had been approved for the GGB.  I decided to see what I could find out about this online and found an article in the SF Gate.  While the article offered some hope that future lives could be saved with the approved barrier, the readers’ comments to the article offered less hope for humanity.  I was hurt, offended and so angry by the lack of understanding and compassion these people were showing by their comments written… that I decided to chime in.  I spent the rest of my afternoon in an online argument with perfect strangers. At the end of the day I was totally exhausted and felt as if I’d accomplished NOTHING.  It was at that moment that I decided that if I was going put that much energy into anything related to suicides from the GGB I wanted that energy to be well spent on something that might make a difference.

So my online Google search began for an organization that might benefit from my passion, energy and personal talents.  I didn’t have much to offer in the form of monetary contributions, but was willing to give of myself what I could.  I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for in my search… that is why I believe that the The Bridge Rail Foundation found me during my search.  Their sole purpose was to stop the suicides from the GGB – raise the rails so-to-speak on the bridge.  I contacted them through their website with the offer my support and help.  It wasn’t very long after, that my support and offer to help was put to the test.  The BRF had decided to launch its first “Whose Shoes” exhibit.  The group had to first collect 1300 pairs of shoes for the exhibit.  Each pair representing a life lost from the bridge.  I think that I myself collected over 200 pairs of shoes.  It didn’t hurt that my daughter’s friend had a shoe addiction and donated about 50-60 pairs of her shoes.  I also had to face my fear of going into Larry’s storage unit and find a pair of his “shoes” for the exhibit.  I actually had to dig all the way to the back of the unit, but finally found a pair of his shoes that are now part of the “Whose Shoes” exhibit which includes several pairs of the shoes that belonged to those who ended their lives from the GGB.



It was while I was volunteering with the set up of the BRF's first “Whose Shoes” exhibit at the AFSP’s Out of the Darkness Community Walk at Chrissy Field in San Francisco that I learned of the AFSP walks.  The following year in addition to volunteering with the set up of the “Whose Shoes” exhibit, I also had formed “Team Sizzlemaster in memory of Larry Collins”, consisting of myself, my younger sister, Larry’s sister and one of his childhood friends. The following year our team grew to seven and last year to thirteen. 

Over the past few years I had read about the  AFSP "Overnight Walks" and wished that they weren’t held so far away… they seemed like such a moving experience from the video and pictures that I’d seen and read that I wanted to be part of.  When I found out that San Francisco would be hosting this year’s "Overnight Walk" I was thrilled and didn’t have to think twice about signing up.  When trying to recruit others from “Team Sizzlemaster” I realized it was a commitment that not everyone could make… the 18 miles… the overnight… and the fundraising commitment of at least $1,000.  Most of them would have loved to walk,  but were not able to make that commitment.

On my way to work one morning I wondered if some of the wonderful people that I had met through the BRF would also love to walk in memory of their loved ones, but are not able to.  It was then that I decided that their “angels” needed to be remembered too at the “Overnight Walk” and that I wanted walk in their memories, along with Larry’s, if their families would allow me that honor.  My idea for the memory bracelets was born that morning.