Overnight Training Day - 4/21/12

Our Overnight Coach Jason Krumenaker

A week ago this past Saturday my teammate and co-worker LaTonya and I drove to the Sports Basement in San Francisco to participate in the Overnight’s 5 mile training walk and a sneak preview of the route.

What a beautiful day for a walk it was.  Upon arrival we were greeted by our Overnight Walk coach Jason Krumenaker.  He made me feel so welcome and special with his warm and enthusiastic “Hi… it’s so nice to meet you LeAnn” and “I’m so glad you were able to make it”.  His enthusiasiam and positive energy did not end with his hello!

Jason led the group gathered in the parking lot of the Sports Basement in some stretching exercises, educating some of us on the fact that your shin actually has muscle to stretch.  Also that there is a reason our mothers always told us “not to stand on tables”.  Lucky for Jason that he’s young and quite agile… as he almost stretched himself right off of the table he stood on so we could all see him.

So after our stretching exercise, we were all off on our first official Overnight training walk.  Along the way we met  new people, shared some of our stories, received tips on the best type of shoe insoles to get for our upcoming 18 mile journey and made new friends. 

The Training Walk was supposed to be a 5 mile walk, but felt like it was much longer than that.  Could this be an indication that I need to get in more training walks before the 9^th than I have thus far?  Absolutely!! 

Now if we could just figure out how to bottle and distribute the energy of our Overnight Coach Jason… the walk would be a piece of cake!!

I have done a few mini-training walks since the Training Walk in San Francisco.  I even braved the 96 degree heat in Scottsdale, Arizona while visiting there with a friend for a few days last week.  I do not recommend training in that kind of heat for any extended period of time.  Thank goodness for the little strip malls I came across… shopping and air conditioning!! What more can a girl ask for?

Thank you for your company and conversation to those met during the Training Walk.  I hope that we see each other again at the Overnight on the 9^th and 10^th and a very special thank you to Jason!!  You are truly inspirational and motivating, added to how darn adorable you are, you are lucky that I didn't snatch you and all of that positive energy you have up and take you home with me. 

The sum of the whole is this: walk and be happy; walk and be healthy. The best way to lengthen out our days is to walk steadily and with a purpose. 

~~ Charles Dickens

In Memory of Tim B.

My offer to the families associated with the Bridge Rail Foundation to make memory bracelets and buttons  to honor their lost angels during the AFSP Overnight Walk was soon extended out to all of those whose have lost someone to suicide and would like me to walk in their memory. 

A very dear friend of mine who has always supported my participation in the AFSP Community Walks is also generously supporting me in the “Overnight Walk” and asked that I walk in memory of her co-worker’s son.  In order to protect the family’s privacy, she asked that I not use his last name.

I've been trying to personalize the memory bracelets in some small way, even though other than Larry, I've never personally met them.  So without being too invasive, I've asked survivors what their angel's favorite color was and have picked up on a small sense of who they were from the words spoken about them.  When I asked my friend if she knew what Tim’s favorite color was, she wasn’t sure.  She suggested using red in the bracelet.  She remembers Tim's personality as very bold and bright… much like the color red.  I added a little “owl” charm to Tim’s bracelet to represent my friend’s love for her co-worker and his family and for their angel “Tim”.  Just as I have a love of butterflies… she has a love of owls.  These beautiful winged creatures are so majestic and spiritual in nature, it seems appropriate to use them in the bracelets.

To my friend, Tim’s family and friends… thank you for allowing me the honor to walk in Tim’s memory.

In Memory of Henry Lew

Henry Lew
1989 - 2007

Henry Lew left this world on May 8, 2007, from the Golden Gate Bridge.  He was only 18 years old.  Henry’s mother Doris said that he was kind, gentle and a bit too sensitive for his own good.  He was pretty serious about everything, self-contained, quiet, a bit of a loner and very much into computers.  We both found it interesting and sad that there were quite a few similarities between her Henry and my Larry.

When I received Doris’s reply to my email sent to other survivors that had lost someone to the Golden Gate Bridge, I cried.  She had written she was having a hard time finding the right words and apologized.  She was incredibly touched by my offer to walk in memory of her angel and many others and by the fact that I was walking.  I was at a loss for words in reply to her.  I can’t imagine the pain that a parent must endure when they lose a child and the strength they must find within themselves to go on.  While any of us who have lost someone to suicide is a survivor, I can’t help but believe that the mothers and fathers that lose their children are the ultimate survivors.  I have a 25 year old daughter and can’t imagine having the strength that I’ve seen in so many of the mothers and fathers I’ve met through the Bridge Rail Foundation. 

Henry’s memory bracelet was made with black and clear beads.  His mother said that she didn't know if he had favorite color, but if he did, he leaned towards dark blue and black. I really like black and saw Henry’s bracelet as my opportunity to make one of the  memory bracelets using black beads.  The charm hanging from the bracelet is an earring of mine that lost its’ mate, just as I have. It looks like a teardrop which was fitting, as I’m certain that many tears have been cried for Henry.

I am honored that Henry’s family is allowing me to walk in his memory during my incredible Out of the Darkness Overnight journey on the June 9th.

In Memory of Larry Collins

Lawrence Craig Collins

aka Larry "Sizzlemaster" Collins

April 10, 1967 - July 26, 2007

Love's Intoxicating Scent

Alone in the dark I cry myself to sleep,
praying that this night I will feel your strong,

yet gentle hand touch my now tear-stained cheek.

I bury my face in your pillow, wanting so

desperately to smell your intoxicating scent.
I’m inhaling but cannot find you there.

Maybe this is God’s way of keeping me alive,
for if I were to find you there, I would never exhale,
for fear of losing you again.

  by LeAnn Wooldridge 8/20/07

Dear Larry

While I no longer cry myself to sleep... I still desperately want to smell your scent, see your smile, feel your hand on my cheek.  I hope that you are smiling down upon me and that you are proud of who I've become as a result of having you come into my life unexpectedly and out of it so abruptly.

You often nagged me about believing in something with all of my heart and not just talking about it, but putting it into action. Your nagging paid off.  As a result of you being part of my life, without even realizing just how much of an impact that you were having on me, I grew up!  Yes... it took me over 40 years to get there, but I'm here now and have no plans of turning back.

So now I will not only walk in your memory, but in memory of so many others who were lost and couldn't find their way.  I walk to help raise funds needed to bring awareness to depression, mental illness, suicide and its prevention.  Too many wonderful souls gone from our lives, with so much to offer the world. I'd like to believe that even though I couldn't save you... I can make a small difference and maybe help save others.

Thank you for letting me into your life and your world for the eight years that you did.  You were a good teacher, man, lover and friend.

Your essence is still alive, as part of you lives on in me and in who I am today.  Happy 45th... where ever you are! xoxo

Loving you always,

LeAnn

Memory Bracelets



My sample memory bracelets
& buttons

My initial thought about making the memory bracelets was that this might be a way to encourage support of my participation in the AFSP "Overnight Walk", while honoring not only Larry's memory, but also of others lost from Golden Gate Bridge.  Before sending out my emails to the group of people associated with the Bridge Rail Foundation, I contacted two of the BRF Board members to ask permission to send out my fundraising request and offer of the memory bracelets.  I made my sample bracelets for each  Board member with their childrens' names on them as an example, in addition to the bracelet I’d made with Larry’s name. They  gave me their blessing, along with their kind words and encouragement.

 

So my “never-been-done-before-by-me” beading experience was about to begin.  First stop… a craft store.  What the heck’s a craft store?  I know my way around a hardware store… but a craft store? A completely different beast.  My first lesson would be…. “Never go to Michael’s Craft Store on your lunch hour”, unless of course your lunch is actually two hours."  Within only a couple of days, I would become a regular at the Dublin Michael’s Store and was well on my way to becoming a bead junkie!

While the sample bracelets that I’d made were okay… the more I looked at them, which was all day (as my plan is to wear every bracelet, every day until the walk)… I being an Aries and a perfectionist, soon realized that I would be remaking not only the first three bracelets that I’d made, but more than likely many of the bracelets that I hadn't even made yet.

Matthew Whitmer
1986 - 2007

I found myself rushing home to get started on remaking the original bracelets.  The first bracelet remake was for Mattie Whitmer.  I knew from his mother Dayna that before he left this world, he had become interested in his Irish heritage.   I had found some pretty green beads that reminded me of clover leafs, but also looked like tear drops. I thought they would be perfect for Mattie's memory bracelet and to finish it... a clover.

Kathy Hull
1977 - 2003

The second bracelet remake was for Kathy Hull.  I picked an aqua colored bead, along with little rosettes and a heart in the center.  The picture that I have seen of Kathy is a beautiful black and white photo.  Even though it's black and white, her eyes look as if they were a color that when you looked into them you might  have felt as though you were swimming in beautiful ocean waters.

more memory bracelts to be posted as I make them....

Why do I walk?



Larry Collins
4/10/67 - 7/26/2007

On July 26, 2007, my boyfriend of 8 years jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge (GGB)... ending his 40 years of life.  That day would forever change my life and me.  Before that day I can honestly say that I personally had never given any thought to the GGB, let alone people committing suicide from it.  After Larry’s death my eyes were opened wide to the dirty little secret of possibly the most beautiful, certainly the most photographed, bridge in the world.  I was horrified to learn that there had been over 1,300 confirmed suicides from the GGB since it’s opening in 1937.  Like me, most people that I told of Larry’s suicide from the GGB were surprised to hear that so many people have, and continue to end their lives off of the GGB.

Several months after losing Larry, his sister mentioned to me that she had heard on the news that a suicide barrier had been approved for the GGB.  I decided to see what I could find out about this online and found an article in the SF Gate.  While the article offered some hope that future lives could be saved with the approved barrier, the readers’ comments to the article offered less hope for humanity.  I was hurt, offended and so angry by the lack of understanding and compassion these people were showing by their comments written… that I decided to chime in.  I spent the rest of my afternoon in an online argument with perfect strangers. At the end of the day I was totally exhausted and felt as if I’d accomplished NOTHING.  It was at that moment that I decided that if I was going put that much energy into anything related to suicides from the GGB I wanted that energy to be well spent on something that might make a difference.

So my online Google search began for an organization that might benefit from my passion, energy and personal talents.  I didn’t have much to offer in the form of monetary contributions, but was willing to give of myself what I could.  I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for in my search… that is why I believe that the The Bridge Rail Foundation found me during my search.  Their sole purpose was to stop the suicides from the GGB – raise the rails so-to-speak on the bridge.  I contacted them through their website with the offer my support and help.  It wasn’t very long after, that my support and offer to help was put to the test.  The BRF had decided to launch its first “Whose Shoes” exhibit.  The group had to first collect 1300 pairs of shoes for the exhibit.  Each pair representing a life lost from the bridge.  I think that I myself collected over 200 pairs of shoes.  It didn’t hurt that my daughter’s friend had a shoe addiction and donated about 50-60 pairs of her shoes.  I also had to face my fear of going into Larry’s storage unit and find a pair of his “shoes” for the exhibit.  I actually had to dig all the way to the back of the unit, but finally found a pair of his shoes that are now part of the “Whose Shoes” exhibit which includes several pairs of the shoes that belonged to those who ended their lives from the GGB.



It was while I was volunteering with the set up of the BRF's first “Whose Shoes” exhibit at the AFSP’s Out of the Darkness Community Walk at Chrissy Field in San Francisco that I learned of the AFSP walks.  The following year in addition to volunteering with the set up of the “Whose Shoes” exhibit, I also had formed “Team Sizzlemaster in memory of Larry Collins”, consisting of myself, my younger sister, Larry’s sister and one of his childhood friends. The following year our team grew to seven and last year to thirteen. 

Over the past few years I had read about the  AFSP "Overnight Walks" and wished that they weren’t held so far away… they seemed like such a moving experience from the video and pictures that I’d seen and read that I wanted to be part of.  When I found out that San Francisco would be hosting this year’s "Overnight Walk" I was thrilled and didn’t have to think twice about signing up.  When trying to recruit others from “Team Sizzlemaster” I realized it was a commitment that not everyone could make… the 18 miles… the overnight… and the fundraising commitment of at least $1,000.  Most of them would have loved to walk,  but were not able to make that commitment.

On my way to work one morning I wondered if some of the wonderful people that I had met through the BRF would also love to walk in memory of their loved ones, but are not able to.  It was then that I decided that their “angels” needed to be remembered too at the “Overnight Walk” and that I wanted walk in their memories, along with Larry’s, if their families would allow me that honor.  My idea for the memory bracelets was born that morning.