In Memory of Michael J. Pharmer

Michael James Pharmer
1990 - 2009

I received a beautiful email from Michael’s mother Mary after she had read my blog on my AFSP “Overnight Journey”.  She not only offered her kind words of praise, but offered insight and tips for the Walk, as she, her daughter and two friends walked the NYC Overnight last year and would be walking the this year’s in memory of her son Michael.

I had asked Mary to tell me a little about Michael, maybe his favorite color, hobbies, etc. so that I could personalize the memory bracelet for him.  Mary’s description of her son had me in tears… how she described Michael's eyes and his gentle and kind nature, it could have very well have been me describing my daughter Amber.  Our children seem to have been cut from the same cloth.  Hearing about Mary's loss of Michael touched my heart in a very personal and deep way. I now hug my daughter more and argue with her less.

Michael was born on Valentine’s Day in 1990 and left this world much too early the day after Christmas in 2009. Michael’s mom described him as incredibly handsome with the most beautiful green hazel eyes.  She said that everyone loved Mike; he was kind, gentle and would never hurt anyone.  While a little shy, once he got to know you… he was funny as all get out.  Mary mentioned that she associated hearts (I'm guessing that Michael was the Valentine’s gift that filled her heart with so much love!) and the colors green and blue to Michael. 

When I was looking for beads to use in the memory bracelet for Michael, I picked out some very pretty blue and green beads, but had spotted a string of beads that had all of the colors that are in my daughter’s eyes. I kept thinking that if Michael’s eyes looked anything like Amber’s, those beads would be a perfect representation of his beautiful eyes. Since I had planned on sending the bracelet to Mary before the walk, I decided to make two… one with the blues and greens to send to Mary; and the other to keep and wear along with the other memory bracelets that I am wearing every day up until the Walk.

We’ve made plans to meet at the Walk, where I’ll give the bracelet that I’ve been wearing to Michael’s sister Beth. While many of us have been brought to this journey as a result of the darkness of losing someone to suicide, it is comforting to know that that darkness has also led us to the light of new found friendships with those who have the same for a future without suicides.