In Memory of Kathy Hull

Kathy Hull
1978-2003

My post for Kathy is the last post in memory of the angels who traveled with me on my Overnight Journey.  Kathy’s parents Dave and Jean were the first of the many wonderful people that I have met over the past four years through the Bridge Rail Foundation.  

Dave is the President and founder of the Bridge Rail Foundation.  It has moved me over the past four years to see a father’s love for his daughter demonstrated in his tireless efforts to see that no other father or mother have to experience the loss that he and Jean have to the Golden Gate Bridge. The pain that I’ve seen in their eyes when they talk about her breaks my heart every time. Yet through that pain, their love for Kathy keeps them committed to making the net real on the on the bridge.

I made Kathy’s angel bracelet with aqua colored beads because I thought of her eyes.  When I showed her mother Jean her bracelet she had tears in her eyes. She told me that the beads were Kathy’s favorite color and the rosettes were perfect, as Kathy was an avid gardener.  She also told me after I added the hummingbird charm, that Kathy loved hummingbirds. I imagined that the hummingbirds loved her for growing the beautiful flowers in her garden for them to drink their sweet nectar.

I thought that writing this post would be easier than it has been because I feel so connected to Kathy’s parents, so I imagined that the words would flow from my finger tips. Instead they have stumbled on the keyboard.  Perhaps I’ll revisit and post more when I write my conclusion of my Overnight Journey blog.

I came across the following poem and thought of Kathy's parents.

Just for Today

by Vicki Tushingham

   Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours
and not expect to get over my child's death, but instead learn to live with it,

just one day at a time.

Just for today I will remember my child's life, not just her death,
and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days and moments we shared.

Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends who didn't help or

comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how.

Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.

Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,
for they are hurting too, and perhaps we can help each other.

Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,
for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world
I could have done to save my child from death, I would have done it.

Just for today I will honor my child's memory by doing something with another child
because I know that would make my own child proud.

Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship to another bereaved parent
for I do know how they feel.

Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,
I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving
and the only reason I hurt is because I had the privilege of loving so much

Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
I am fortunate to be who I am and have had my child for as long as I did.

Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,
for I know that I am not deserting her by living on.

Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did, my life did go on,

and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.